making it work

My absolute biggest struggle in motherhood so far…going back to work. So many people tried to prepare me for what I was going to be going through during pregnancy and life as a new mom but why do I feel like no one dared to tell me what it would be like as a working momma? Seriously, is it just not talked about because it’s that hard and no one wants to be the bearer of bad news? Or am I just crazy? Maybe no one could comment on how TRULY difficult it was going to be for me to be working full-time (along with my husband) while having a pretty much stranger care for the little love of my life. All I know is, these past 5 weeks have been an absolute BLUR. My dear father-in-law (hi Bob/Grandpa!) retired at the end of February (congratulations again, we love you!) and he ever so kindly flew out in early March to take care of Hunter while I started work as his daycare began a couple weeks later. Fortunately, I work from home full-time so these first 9 days of being back to work and having Hunter just upstairs with Grandpa, was amazing but still pretty hard on me. After all, I wanted to be upstairs enjoying the fun with them and making those special memories too. My lunch breaks consisted of me racing upstairs, grabbing Hunter and quickly nursing him before racing back downstairs to work. Grandpa daycare went by WAY too quickly and these are 9 days that we will all remember forever but unfortunately, they came to an end and Grandpa had to fly back to the motherland! I remember laying in bed at night time thinking to myself, “how am I going to do this? I can barely keep it together when Hunter is here, just a few meters away? How the hell will I survive with him being a 5 minute drive from me ALL DAY, 4 DAYS A WEEK with a daycare provider I barely know?!” I missed him so incredibly much.  I mean, I had grown this little guy and baked him to pure perfection for 9 months before he became attached to my hip (or boob) for a year straight. How on earth would I function all day without my trusty sidekick? I had to suck it up and realize that this was my reality. This was best for me and even better for Hunter. I chose to go back to work full-time and chose to have Hunter enrolled in daycare because my husband and I both know how important it is for him; the social skills and mental development that goes on at daycare is incredible, and was a must for our little guy.  It took me a few weeks of crying my eyes out after dropping him off in the mornings and basically crying to my husband every night before I realized I was okay. Hunter was okay. In fact he was more than okay, he was doing incredible. Our daycare provider is absolutely AMAZING and I couldn’t be happier that we found her to take care of him while we are working during the week. He has an absolute blast every day, eats like a champ, naps like a champ….and poops like a champ (seriously, this kid doesn’t stop!)

I thought it was hard to take care of myself properly on maternity leave…boy, I really had no clue what I was in for going back to work full-time! Some mornings are so chaotic that I find myself only eating the crust off of Hunters toast because well, drinking my coffee is usually more important than making myself breakfast most days. We have our fridge and cupboard fully stocked of quick and easy breakfast options like smoothies or even cereal…yet somehow, this seems just so unrealistic most mornings. Can any mommas relate to this? I know it’s so bad but in the mornings my main focuses are getting Hunter fed, myself dressed, Hunter dressed, taking him to daycare, then coming home and getting a quick bite to eat and a few things done around the house before I start work. Where in there is there time to make myself breakfast?! If I think of it, I will put some extra fruit on his plate or an extra slice of bread in the toaster and we’ll just share a plate. I’m trying really hard to give myself a few more minutes in the morning to get myself fed too but I KNOW I’m not alone here in the whole skipping breakfast department!

After a few weeks of Hunter being in daycare, I had to stop nursing as my supply diminished; this was another huge struggle for me. Maybe I will just blame those few weeks of crying on that hormonal shift? To my dear husband, thank you for helping to keep me somewhat sane during this time! But really, what was it like returning to work for you? Were you an absolute hot mess for the first little while too? Please share your stories with me all you working moms!

I’ve been back to work for almost 6 weeks, and Hunter has been in daycare for just over one month, and we have finally gotten into the swing of things and figured out our new normal…for now! 

P.S. To all you working moms, I salute you. You are a friggin’ rockstar!

Thank you so much for reading xoxo